One of the best things about eating mostly vegetarian is that it’s completely acceptable, in fact encouraged, to eat cheese for dinner. 

If I grill some halloumi, slather it in chilli jam and eat that for dinner, no one bats an eye. If I cube some paneers, fry them and pop them in some kind of curry sauce, no one has anything to say. If I sprinkle some feta on a Greek salad and devour it in a few mouthfuls, no one gives me judgmental looks. 

However the second a carnivore starts nibbling on some wensleydale in lieu of a proper dinner, everyone starts to hail Mary. 

(Speaking of inappropriate uses of cheese: this morning I watched Barefoot Contessa make a “salad” with a dressing which included a wedge of blue cheese the size of Pluto, double cream and 3 giant spoons of mayonnaise)

Cheese for dinner is the vegetarian’s equivalent of a comforting Friday fish and chip supper, or a lavish Saturday night steak.

Chef D’oeuf and I took this to the extreme when we made our own Indian “fakeaway” of paneer masala and onion bhajis courtesy of the following recipes;

Paneer masala: https://www.olivemagazine.com/recipes/vegetarian/paneer-masala/

Onion Bhajis from Meera Sodha’s Fresh India book, but recipe also here: https://www.theguardian.com/food/2018/dec/10/nigella-lawson-meera-sodha-christmas-recipes-salmon-churros-crisps-onion-bhaji-devils-horseback

For the paneer masala,

I cubed the paneer and Chef D’oeuf fried them in a little oil until golden brown and crispy.

Meanwhile, I prepped the other ingredients;  finely chopping a red onion, peeling and chopping small knob of ginger (tip: next time you peel ginger try using a spoon instead of a knife, much less wastage) and two cloves of garlic. 

After that, we heated a knob of butter in a frying pan and popped the onions and spices in the pan; 1 cinnamon stick, 2 cardamom pods, couple of cloves, and a teaspoon of fennel seeds. Stir the spices to ensure they don’t burn. Leave them on the heat for 5 minutes or so.

Once we stopped coughing for dear life (dry frying spices can be a pain), we chucked in the ginger and garlic and cooked for another 5 mins on a low heat. 

We added the final round of spices (teaspoon of turmeric, teaspoon of coriander and a little bit of chilli powder). 

Then, we added a tablespoon of tomato puree and just enough hot water to make a bit of a sauce. Bring to the boil and let it simmer for 20 mins.

Once the sauce reaches a nice consistency, we added the perfectly fried paneers to the sauce, along with 1 chopped tomato and simmer for another 10 mins.

For the onion bhajis, 

We start by preheating the oven (I refuse to provide any directions as to what temperature because surely everyone just sets the oven to 180 for every recipe in the same way that I do) and lining a baking tray with foil – remember to oil the tray else your bhajis will be more of a hash. 

Chef D’oeuf then preps the onions by slicing 1-2 brown onions into half moons and frying in a medium pan until soft. 

I continue to do the menial tasks and prep the rest of the bhaji mix; grinding a knob of peeled ginger, 1 green chilli, a tsp of cumin seeds and a pinch of salt together. The recipe says this will form a paste. Mine never does (I haven’t forked out for a pestle and mortar yet, so for the time being I make do with the end of a rolling pin. Needs must).

Chef D’oeuf and I join forces once again and he adds the fried onions to my sort-of-paste. I add c.60g of chickpea flour (gram flour), a handful of fresh coriander, 1/4 teaspoon of chilli powder, 1/2 teaspoon of ground coriander, 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric, some lemon juice and pinch of salt.

We add water, a little at a time, until the mixture forms a thick batter. 

We spoon the mix into rounds on the tray. Our quantities usually make about 6 bhajis.

Then we hurl that into the hot oven for c.30mins until the edges are crisp and brown.

To complete the fakeaway,

We serve alongside plain basmati rice (we don’t know how to make pilaf just yet), mango chutney, supermarket naans (we don’t have hours to spend in the kitchen) and my homemade yoghurt raita (Greek yoghurt, salt, lime juice, 1 clove of garlic, chopped cucumber – remove the watery core, and fresh coriander or mint). 

Enjoy… while also lamenting at just how much washing up you’ve got to do.