I can instantly know the state of my current mental wellbeing based on my knee-jerk reaction to the announcement of a lockdown. See below. 

Boris announces lockdown 1

Me: Look confused, Google: “what’s a lockdown” and do a shit ton of yoga. 

Boris announces lockdown 2

Me: Go straight to the pub for the last evening of freedom. Order a cocktail making kit. Buy lots of booze. 

Boris announces lockdown 3 (and it’s bloomin’ January)

Me: Curl up in a ball on the floor. Mumble incoherently for an hour. Don’t move for days. 

All of this is a very long winded way of saying, I have a cocktail making kit and I am not afraid to use it. 

Despite being curled up in a ball, sobbing for most of lockdown 3 (mostly an exaggeration, don’t worry), I have managed to stand for long enough to make a series of cocktails for myself and Chef D’oeuf. I’m going to share some of my successes (and failures) below!

Classic mint and lime mojito

Even just thinking about a mojito takes me back to university days when they were our standard “pre-drink” of choice. As poor university students we would host pre drinks with little/no snack offerings, very limited beer or wine choices and not enough space for anyone to do anything. However, every single time, without fail, we served mojitos. I spent more money on rum, mint and lime than I did on anything else in my 3rd year of university. I spent more time juicing limes, than I did in the library (that’s a joke, I’m incredibly studious). I love a mojito and here’s my perfected recipe.

For one serving

1. Muddle (aka squish with a special cocktail “muddler” or back of a rolling pin) handful of mint leaves, 1 teaspoon of caster sugar, juice of 1 lime in a tall glass

2. Add lots of ice cubes and pour over white rum (60 ml / 2 shots / 3 bottle caps)

3. Add extra mint leaves for decoration, top with soda water and stir. Serve with straws (not plastic though…)

You can add raspberries in step 1 if you’re feeling jazzy. 

Chef D’oeufs verdict: “9/10. Best mojito I’ve ever had. Probably the best mojito that anyone has ever had. I wish I had met your mojitos during university.” 

Evening pick-me-up Espresso Martini

We’ve tried making our own espresso martinis a couple of times and this recipe is the best we’ve ever made it. That being said, nothing will ever (EVER) live up to the salted caramel espresso martini I had in the Ivy Brasserie once. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about that martini. I often wonder whether it thinks of me too… Anyway.

For one serving

1. Prepare a shot of espresso and set aside to cool. I’ve made this recipe before without setting the espresso aside to cool and you end up with a watery mess of a cocktail, so tame your impatient urges and do let the espresso chill out for a bit. I use decafe espresso pods because I’m fancy but i also like sleep. 

2. In your fancy cocktail shaker, chuck in loads of ice, 40mls of vodka, 20 mls of Tia Maria (or Kahlua which is slightly sweeter apparently) and your now chilled espresso (I used only 20 mls of it). 

3. Shake so hard you nearly pull your back out. This will provide the infamous foam on the top. 

4. Strain and serve in overpriced but beautiful martini glasses that you’re terrified you will break just by staring at them too suddenly.

Chef D’oeuf’s verdict: “7/10. Decent. Would drink again. But yeet me one of those salted caramel things you keeping banging on about please”.

My first attempt at a classic martini

I literally drank two sips of this cocktail before my liver was like “okay let’s stop that now please”. I have managed to successfully knock back many a glasses of wine, but two tiny sips of this cocktail effectively floored me and threatened to give me a very dangerous hangover the next day. I do not exaggerate. 

Under no circumstances do I recommend you make this cocktail

Here’s the recipe. Enjoy.

For one serving 

1. Chill your fancy martini glasses in the fridge while you sit on the sofa worrying that Chef D’oeuf will accidentally cause them harm while he opens the fridge door in a reckless fashion. 

2. Spend 30 minutes looking for the perfect martini recipe. Wet martinis, dry martinis, dirty martinis, gin martinis, vodka martinis. 

3. Panic and instead of choosing one recipe, choose your favourite 4 and mesh them together.

4. Fill a glass with ice. Put in equal parts vermouth and gin (1 shot of each, or 2 if you’re nuts). Stir because you’re not making a martini for James Bond. 

5. Peel the skin of a lemon, rub the oily side of the lemon skinaround the rim of the glass because you saw a bartender do it one day. Pour in your deadly vermouth/gin mix (but strain away the ice). Add a dash of angostura bitters because you panic bought them on Amazon for £12 and you probably should use them in stuff right?

6. Admire how dashing and elegant your martini looks.

7. Take a sip. 

8. Request an immediate liver transplant. 

Chef D’eouf’s verdict: “2/10. Are you trying to kill me?” *faints due to liver poisoning* *awakes briefly* “you’re a Noilly prat” *faints again*

Note: Chef D’oeuf enjoyed calling me a Noilly Prat (also the name of the vermouth) for days after we had made this cocktail. 

I’ll keep working on that martini recipe..